The Craft of Writing Strong, Descriptive Sentences

If the elements of plot are the ingredients for a cake, descriptive imagery is the decorative frosting that makes the cake-eating experience more enjoyable—in both flavor and appearance. In other words, descriptive imagery serves both a functional role in conveying information through a sensory experience and an aesthetic role in using language to paint a concrete image for the reader.

Here are a few methods you can use to write an effective descriptive image:

Simile

A simile is a comparison of one thing to another by using “like” or “as.” Consider this example:

“He sat as still as a mouse…His heart was thumping like a drum.”

— George Orwell, 1984

A simile like this uses description to convey information: the character is anxious, frightened, or in a state of fight-or-flight. The choice of the animal “mouse” conveys the image of smallness, timidity, and the fright of falling prey to something more dangerous or powerful. The choice of using “drum” to describe the beat of a character’s heart generates the image of loud or strong pulsing that can resonate throughout the body.

Check out this resource for more information on similes.

Metaphor

A metaphor, on the other hand, is a comparison of one thing to another without using “like” or “as,” such as in this example:

“[T]he dandelions had changed from suns to moons.”

—Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

This metaphor not only conveys the information that time has passed but also illustrates a strong visual image: bright yellow florets fading into its more round and white state.

Check out this resources for more information on metaphors.

Active Voice vs. Passive Voice

When using the “active voice,” the subject of the sentence performs the action.

E.g., The woman read the book.

On the other hand, when using the “passive voice,” the subject of the sentence is what is acted on by the verb. Passive voice is usually (but not always) written with a “To Be” verb plus the word “by.”

E.g., The book was read by the woman.

The active voice is usually preferred in writing, partially because the passive voice usually requires additional words (“was,” “by,”) that make the sentence unnecessarily clunky. Perhaps you’ve heard other writers say to never use the passive voice, but this isn’t necessarily true. Passive voice serves a purpose in specific circumstances where the active voice would seem misplaced. For example, consider this sentence:

“Alice Herz-Sommer, her husband, and their six-year-old son were deported to the concentration camp Theresienstadt.”

—Melissa Muller and Reinhard Piechocki, A Garden of Eden in Hell: The Life of Alice Herz-Sommer

This poignant and terrifying story about the Holocaust would not be as effective if the active voice had been used. Logistically, most of the actions taken are those of the Nazis upon the victims. It would be unnecessarily excessive to state the actions performed unto the victims were the Nazis. Metaphorically, the use of the passive voice represents the lack of agency of the victims described in this book, which adds a poetic layer to the horrifying narrative.

Check out this resource for more information on active vs. passive voice.

Reducing “To Be” Verbs

“To be” verbs include “is,” “am,” “are,” “was,” “were,” “be,” “being,” and “been.” Sometimes they are accompanied by a gerund (verbs that end in “-ing”). While this combination has its purposes, these words can weaken the description or make the sentence clunky and unnecessarily wordy.

Instead of: As the sun was setting, we were running for our lives.

Try: At sunset, we ran for our lives.

Take it a step further by including a strong, image-packed verb:

E.g., As the sun sank beneath the horizon, we ran for our lives.

For more information on “to-be” verbs, please refer to these resources.

Reducing Filter Words

“Filter words” are weak verbs that create distance between the reader and the POV character. It reminds the reader they are reading words on a page instead of experiencing it through the character’s eyes. Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase “show, don’t tell” when writing fiction. Words such as “looked,” “felt,” “realized,” and “became,” tell the reader information instead of showing it.

Instead of: She looked out the window and saw a full moon.

Try: Out the window, the moon was full.

If you’d like to take it a step further, replace the image of a “full moon” with a metaphor.

E.g.: Out the window, the moon was a round, golden coin.

Check out this resource for more information on filter words.

Replacing Adverbs with Stronger Verbs and Adjectives

Adverbs are words that describe adjectives, verbs, and other adverbs. They usually (but not always) end in “-ly.” Examples include “loudly,” “softly,” “quickly,” and “boldly.” While there are instances where adverbs are the best choice in a sentence, they are often an unnecessary word that can be replaced with a stronger verb, adjective, or phrase.

Instead of: The man walked quietly through the extremely dark hallway.

Try: The man tiptoed through the pitch-black hallway.

The word “tiptoe” conjures an image of quiet movement while only using a single powerful word. Similarly, “pitch-black” conveys a stronger visual image than “extremely dark.” Additionally, your word choice conveys information. For example, there are many ways a person can “walk quietly.” If someone “tiptoes,” down a hallway, it conjures a timid image of a person in fear of someone overhearing their footsteps. However, if a person “creeps” down a hallway, it conjures a more ominous image of a threatening presence.

Check out this resource for more information on using strong verbs.

Use Concrete Imagery Instead of Abstract Imagery

Remember the phrase “show, don’t tell”? To put it simply, concrete imagery “shows” while abstract imagery “tells.” Concrete imagery uses the five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. It is a specific, descriptive word that conjures the reader’s senses as if they are experiencing it themselves through the character.

E.g., Whereas the abstract “flowers” invokes a vague response in the reader’s senses, the more specific, descriptive “swan-white lilies” invokes both a visual image as well as a soft sense of touch. This specific image also conveys a description of elegance and beauty. 

E.g., A “rusty red pickup truck” invokes a stronger image than the vague word “car.”

To take it a step further, concrete imagery can also be used to add texture to similes and metaphors. Consider this example, in which the sound of oars rowing in the water is compared to waterfalls:

“The river poured from his lifted oars with the sound of waterfalls.”

—Cecilia Ekbäck, Wolf Winter

Check out this resource for more information on concrete imagery.

Using Cacophony vs. Euphony

These sound devices are used to create musical effects through the stress of the various sounds in words. The sounds of these words convey images or meanings. Strong and harsh words may contain consonants such as b, d, k, and p. When put together, these sounds are called a cacophony.

E.g.,: What a pitiful pig and ghastly creature it is.

The cacophony of the sounds in these particular words creates a rather repugnant mental image, which directly correlates with the author’s intended message.

On the other hand, light and elegant words may contain consonants such as l, m, f, h, and combinations such as th and sh. These sounds create a sound device called euphony. These sounds are pleasant to the ear and convey an image of loveliness and grace.

“Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,

Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun.”

—John Keats, “To Autumn”

Check out these resources for more information on cacophony, euphony, and other sound devices.

As you continue writing your novel, keep these tricks in mind as you construct sentences, play with imagery, and listen to the sounds of your words. Most of all, enjoy the art of experimenting with language while creating movement and invoking imagery so the reader enjoys the experience like a slice of indulgent cake.